An Unwelcome Guest

What would you do should a rather irritating person keep showing up on your doorstep uninvited? This person turns up again and again on my doorstep unannounced and stays for a week at a time. (Sometimes MUCH longer without my approval.) They put me in a terrible mood, and aren't Jeff's favorite person either. I have asked them to leave and only come to visit when invited, but they just ignore my request. The person I am referring to is Aunt Flo.

The women reading this know who I am referring to. For the men... it is code for period. Menstruation. I will not go into too much detail about my run-ins with the feisty lady for fear of losing the faint of heart. I don't worry about the married men, however, since I know they have found themselves wandering and perplexed in the "feminine hygiene" aisle on an errand or two for the wife, and I extend my sincere sympathies to you. I have a hard enough time finding what I need when I need it.
Let me just say, that the uterus is certainly an interesting organ, for which I am truly grateful. Without it, I would not have my two beautiful children. And should we want more, it will definitely come in handy. At this very moment however, I would like my uterus to take Aunt Flo on a long, very far away vacation. I could use a rest. She could send postcards if she liked, and I would send her a telegram when we were ready to have her back. It could really be a nice arrangement.

During my recent month long menstruation adventure,(I had my period for over a month) I was poked, prodded, had every test possible (most of which I can't remember or even spell for that matter) and finally, much to my chagrin, the Gynecologist prescribed "the pill" to try and regulate things a bit for me. I was on the pill once before, right after Jeff and I were married. Jeff would describe that few months as "not fun". I was moody to probably say the least. So, needless to say, I was not excited about taking it again. After the first day on the Ortho Tricyclen, Aunt Flo went on her merry way. This could have been a coincidence, since her bags were already packed and sitting at the door- I think she just needed a final boot in the pants.

Day two on the pill brought on a whirlwind of dull headaches, and I never get headaches. They were much like the sensation after you stub your toe - only imagine stubbing your head. Again and again. In the same spot. On day ten, after having been seasoned with stubbings, a giant house landed on my head. Or so it seemed. Out of nowhere WHAM! Migraine. All I could do was sit on the bathroom floor, a weepy shell of myself that couldn't open her eyes. Every once in a while Oliver or Emma would wander in and see if I was still sitting there. I could only tell which one it was by the sound of their voices (Oliver speaks, Emma kind of grunts.) After a few mumbled texts to hubby, he (literally) ran home to save the day. At that moment, I swore off the pill. I have a hubby in law school, and two children at home. I don't have time for pill induced migraines! At the sight of my incapacitated state, Jeff heroically announced that there would be no more "pill". I had just barely vowed to never even look at it again, so I agreed. Two days later... there's a "knock, knock, knock" at the door. Aunt Flo showed up again. Darn it. And she brought her friends Crampy, Bloated and Backache. What a party. I suppose it had to come down to choosing the lesser of two evils. Aunt Flo won over Migraines. That doesn't say much for Aunt Flo, does it?


*Over the next several months I will be attending mediation with Aunt Flo in order to come to an agreement over visitation rights with the uterus. I will keep you posted on the outcome*